Live Life to the fullest by Dragonelle

What does it really mean?

Does it mean that we try to outlive ourselves by doing things that we haven’t done or things that we dream about? Does it mean that we start doing the whole World Peace thing? Or does it mean that we keep on partying like there’s no tomorrow?

A phrase like this always comes up when we hear something somber, or of tragic happenings in the world or to the ones we know. Then we hear ourselves advising to our closest kin that we should live life to the fullest cos life is too short to be sad or be stressed at work. We never know when we will go.

But can we really fulfill a common motto? Does our current situation allow us to carry it thru? True, some of us have the luxury to do it. Others, well, they just don’t have it. So what do we do? Try as we may to make the most of our situations, we sometimes fail to see the other side of things.

Historical events are happening in the world today. Many of which have been predicted since centuries ago and are coming to pass today. Some people belief that what was written in the past is due to a certain Someone who has traveled from the future to tell of what will happen in the world today.

If this is so, shouldn’t we start looking around and taking heed of what is going on around us? Even if this philosophy is untrue and perhaps, that Person did foresee the future and accounted it in the past of what will happen today. Even, if today’s stories were foretold in the past and are already happening today. Either way, shouldn’t we take notice and tune in to the disasters of the 21st century?

I was just watching Oprah Winfrey on Monday evening and she had this guy on air who is an expert in diseases. He was talking about the pandemics of SARS, birdflu that are worse than AIDS. Here’s what he has to say: That there are more diseases to come that have no vaccine. Influenza in itself will mutate to form several flu viruses worse than our common flu. And to say the least, they have found and cultured a virus that was believed to have died in 1918. Diseases in the past which was once thought to have been wiped out will make a come back. Similarly, there will be more natural disasters that will come which we will not be prepared for. (http://home.tiscali.nl/tdruiter/7bowls.htm)

There could be many interpretations of Revelations, but nonetheless, they all spell disasters and the worlds’ efforts to curb or prevent them today. Thus, I have one question, should we still life our lives to the fullest or should do what we can to save our souls? This is one question only we can answer as individuals.

Think about it, and think hard.

Not So Fast After All

Lunch with my colleagues one day...
Apparently I ordered coleslaw and fries with a side order of roast beef on toasted wholemeal.
To add to that, it was a really bad roast beef sandwich.
I chose it with the assumption that it will be relatively quick to prepare, and I could eat and leave.. but it turned out that, that preparing lamb stew, frying an omlette and a plate of hot noodles was even faster than my simple sandwich.

Cold

Ever been in a situation where you think you feel so close to someone yet so far…
Well, I just experienced it last night with my own family.
It was 12 noon on a Wednesday, when my Mother calls me and tells me some bad news. My god mother who had been suffering from colon cancer has been in ICU for the last few days, and that she may only have a few more days to live.
It came as a shock to everyone, as we weren’t informed earlier that the situation had gotten worst.
Albeit we (my family and I) see this side of the family once, maybe twice a year.. it’s hard to understand why someone with such a big heart, who has devoted her life to god, would be taken away… by the man himself.
So, I had just finished off my usual weekly meetings at the Client’s.
I didn’t know exactly what to do. So, I texted my future cousin in law, whom happen to be a friend of mine before I knew he was dating my cousin, He’d inform me that the situation was unstable, and to keep me posted.
An hour later, I receive a text… she had passed.
All these thoughts ran through my mind… as I picked up the phone to inform my family this… “Mom, Kai Mah just passed away, I received a text from…” Silence... and then a quick, please inform your sister about this whilst I call your dad came next.
We hung up.
I sat there, thinking I better finish as much work as I can tonight, as I may need to take an emergency leave tomorrow, or the day after for the funeral. I had things to prepare for a Monday meeting. We don’t have enough time to complete all the work for Monday. Who’s going to follow up on my work? Speaking almost like I worked on my own without a team.
But in actual fact, if it were the other way around, that someone else would have not thought three times about what’s going to happen if we don’t have the stuff for the Client cum Monday… and we also all know, the Client is going to make us go back and do more of their work for them anyway. They may as well let us make a decision for them, which they do at times.
Regardless, I’m losing my thoughts…
It was 7:45pm when I decided to leave work to go home.
My mom was home, waiting for my dad, we both sat rather quiet… not saying too much to each other as we were waiting for my dad to come home.
Minutes later, my dad returns. I was the first to see him, and greet him Hello. Just hello. Like it was a normal day in the week.
But what was I thinking. It was my dad, the man in my eyes who is this big, grown up man who works and plays golf when he isn’t at work... who loves his coffee in the morning, afternoon and evening… It was my dad who hugged my Mom and then broke down. I have never in my 29 years of my life seen my dad… cry.
It was at that moment, I felt so stupid that I should have given him a hug.
As the thoughts ran through my mind, my Mom sat by him, and I realized that I’m very distant. It’s like I am home but yet I am not.
Why was it so hard for me to feel, touch? They must have felt that I was cold and changed.

As I started growing up, I started to stay overnights at friends etc and eventually moved out of the house two years ago… I have become somewhat alienated, occasionally going back... rampaging the fridge, because it’s always full with goodies. But, I don’t really take anything.
In fact, I have started a habit, or become a custom if I may call it… to shop for myself. To look after myself.
I think I’m odd that way. I am strong yet I am weak. I say that I can live without love but on the other hand I live for love. I say that I won’t die if he left me, and that I can always find someone else, but in the back of my mind, I have these serious suicidal thoughts…like no one else will love you as much as I do, and vice versa.
Brings me to something somewhat true has told me. That no one in this world is worth dying for. That you would be retarded to end your life for some one, whom left you, hurt you.

“It’s not the children that you need to worry so much about... it’s the husband and their mother”. The children have all grown up, working and outside from the life they keep with their parents, they have another life.
But I can’t seem to think which is worst. Both situations leave you losing some sort of partner in life.
I’m a wreck, and I know that in some ways I put myself in this place. This cold lonely place. Perhaps I need to step back, and evaluate my life, and my priorities. I need to learn to separate what superficial happy times are with real times.

It’s 9:22am. God it’s cold today.

To Speech or Not to Speech

So it’s Friday and I have approximately 24 hours to write this speech. This random speech which I decided one drunken night to do. The idea is to write, and share it with my friends on another drunken night... which happens to be tomorrow…the 9th September, 2006. A day before I am officially a year older.
Which means, if I do succeed in writing something today, I would be standing at a bar and reading this now.. Which would make it the 9th of September?
So, here we are, and not at the little playground of McDonalds… which is a brilliant idea my dear friend Mr. King thought of... which he recently did with his friends... So, I am 29, but the theme is to party like I’m 9. I thought it was award winning ( but that’s just me) and then I contemplated for a while, and decided it would just be too difficult to sneak the drinks into those paper cups… and perhaps I was getting older cause the thought of planning it..… Tired already. So I decided, let’s keep this brilliant idea for next year... when I can party like I’m 3.
Bear with me, cause if you are lucky, I have not started slurring, and you could be lucky enough to actually hear the words that are coming out from my mouth…
Why is it people do this to themselves on their B days… or do others do it to them… well, I am not very active, but when it comes to drinking the last drop, I seem to always be the first to raise my hands.. Or in this context, raise my glass.
Just yesterday, which means Thursday…? I had a nice dinner, a good bottle of Peter Lehman’s… and the best company anyone could ask for.. Because this person was my better half. And I am so proud of him, and I think he doesn’t hear it enough. But he is someone I admire a lot, and no words could ever express the way I feel for him ( but I believe my eyes, my heart, my possessiveness of everything that moves around him(yes, I’m not proud of), my commitment thus far and my kisses.. will speak more than any words can.

Which brings me to my reply to a question someone posed to me... Is when my happiest moment was… and I thought the other day, this person is “the happiest moment of my life.”

Black markers, and yellow post –its… it’s something that we recently discovered to be quite hilarious, and great for
a) writing things you can’t say cause it’s too personal/funny/rude
b) if you need to remember it
c) to read back the next day
d) to ask someone out
e) to bitch about the person sitting opposite you
f) in the long run, it’s cheaper then texting


So, I’m running out of things to say… I should be doing work…but I couldn’t be fucked... It’s the end of the week, it’s already 5pm and it’s pouring outside... wish I were curled up in bed with a movie... yes, I don’t read enough… hence I say boot instead of booth, and I slur as oppose to speak.

Great Friends are for keeps.
Let’s drink.